Finding Balance with AI: A TFAR Guide for 21st-Century Leader-Managers

After responding to Jed’s excellent comments about the use of AI in education, I thought more about the anxiety people often express when discussing AI. Anxiety itself isn’t necessarily bad; it can energize us and create an impetus for action. But it can also drain our energy and produce negative consequences. The issues surrounding AI can trigger that kind of anxiety even in people who are generally positive about the technology, as I am. The question, then, is: How do we manage our anxiety without passing it on to others inappropriately?

Here is the process I use when I remember to apply my own mantra: I pause, regain control of my emotions, and consider their consequences. I remind myself to “Stay Calm and Carry On,” then use a simple management process to keep from going too far.

TFAR

Sometimes an acronym helps me remember an important concept. TFAR—pronounced “too far”—is the tool I use to maintain emotional balance and exercise emotional intelligence. It reminds me to examine four connected elements in sequence: Thoughts, Feelings, Actions, and Results. For better and sometimes for worse, I think about things… a lot. I like to think that I’ve trained myself to think about important things. In truth, I often sweat the small stuff. There are always things running through my head. When I slow down and notice them, they can be consuming.

Thoughts themselves have no emotions; they are simply present. Our feelings shape how we react to those thoughts, and the interplay between thoughts and feelings produces an emotional response. The idea of a reaction also raises the question of control. A nuclear reaction, for example, is neither good nor bad in itself; what matters is how it is managed. A controlled reaction can be powerful, and its energy, when applied with purpose, can make amazing things happen.

When I react to my thoughts, I first try to identify what I am feeling. I ask myself: Where am I emotionally? Is something missing? Why are these thoughts affecting me positively or negatively? Answering those questions helps me create personal clarity, although that is not always easy or even possible. With greater clarity, I can choose a more appropriate response. I then ask, “Have I let my feelings play havoc with my thoughts? Have I gone too far?” Usually, the act of asking brings me back under control.

Once I am in control, I can clearly envision where I want the reaction to lead and how I can use it to produce an Intended Result (IR). I can then identify the actions that I must take—or cause others to take—to achieve that result. In fact, I often use the IR itself to maintain control. When I feel my feelings tainting my thoughts, I ask, “Will the feelings I’m allowing in affect the actions I am taking to produce my IR?” Again, simply asking the question can have a corrective effect.

TFAR works for me because it gives me a simple way to pause, examine my thoughts and feelings, choose my actions, and keep my intended result in view. The next time anxiety begins to shape your response, try asking yourself: “Have I gone TFAR?”