Your Own Tyranny - Is It Stopping You?
A Blog by Dr. Ed L. Hansen
Lately, I have found myself discussing artificial intelligence (AI) with many smart people. Two of our identified “AIHG Superstars” made the same point in somewhat different ways. One is an educator; the other is a pre-C-suite professional. Both would like to champion the controlled application and management of AI in their respective environments, but both expressed distinct concerns—even fear—that doing so might expose them to criticism or ostracism from their leaders, peers, and followers. I understood their concerns because I have been where they are now. On the other hand, I knew from experience that each was struggling with a personal “tyranny” that was holding them back. To become the 21st-century leader-managers they want to be, they must confront and manage their unique tyrannies.
I talked about Tyranny in Developing 21st Century Leader-Manager Character and Qualities. Chapter 11 is entitled “Are Your Personal Tyrannies Stopping You?” So, I thought I would bring it up to date and share it with readers of the AIHG Blog Page. As always, I put a few questions to the AI platforms I use. I wanted to re-educate myself about what a tyranny is and how we can use our tyrannies to our advantage rather than be disadvantaged by them. I also wanted to see how AI could support the process they needed to undertake, the confrontation and management of their own personal tyrannies. So I started at the very beginning: I asked AI to define and describe a personal tyranny and explain its possible implications for an individual. Most importantly, I wanted to learn whether any methods have been developed to manage and suppress personal tyrannies.
“Enlighten the people generally, and tyranny and oppressions of the body and mind will vanish like evil spirits at the dawn of day.” - Thomas Jefferson
Here is what I got: Practical definition of a personal tyranny. A personal tyranny is a belief, fear, assumption, habit, or internal rule to which we give more authority over our choices than it deserves. It becomes a tyranny when it repeatedly limits action, narrows opportunity, or causes us to surrender judgment without testing whether it is true or useful. All four of the following “tyranny indicators” were shared by the two “AIHG Superstars” with whom I spoke. At different times in our conversations, each said, in one way or another, “I’m not good enough,” “They will criticize me,” “It has to be perfect,” and “I tried that once.” The fact is that I have used the same phrases at one time or another. Now, let us consider some tyrannies that all of us may know a little about.
The Tyranny of “I’m Not Good Enough” - For many years—and, perhaps, even a little today—I struggled against the Tyranny of “I’m Not Good Enough.” Any success I experienced was immediately overshadowed by an internal conversation telling me that I did not really deserve whatever good thing had happened. I told myself that I had not worked as hard as I should have to accomplish it and that I had somehow perpetrated a grand fraud. This disposition grew out of issues from my childhood, and I allowed it to control how I felt about myself as an adult. I accepted it as a condition of my “Catholic guilt” and my upbringing. Over time, I saw that it was robbing me of my joy. Life is tough. If we do not find a way to enjoy the good things that occasionally happen to us—often because of our own efforts and the support of others—what do we have? Somewhere along the way, I found the strength to fight back against that tyranny. I disciplined myself to quietly accept and embrace the good things that came to me. A funny thing happened: the more I beat down the tyranny and opened myself to enjoying the good things in my life, the more good things there appeared to be and the more reasons for joy I seemed to find. Today, I must admit, life is almost always joyful for me, even in the face of an occasional trial.
The Tyranny of Expectation - One of my truest friends is Joe Kleinbauer. I have not seen him in person in years, and we exchange emails only infrequently. Yet I know that I could see him tomorrow, and it would be as if we had never been apart. He taught me what it takes to have a true friend. During one of the many meaningful periods we spent together, he said, “The key to a strong and lasting friendship is having no expectations. A friend can never disappoint you if you have no expectations of him or her. Without expectations, whatever occurs in the relationship is a gift from one party to the other.” I have never forgotten this observation about friendship and have, in fact, carried it into all my relationships. If I am completely honest, I have to admit that, before hearing Joe’s comment, I used to decide in advance what people should say or do for me. When they did not behave as I expected, I made it mean something, usually something negative. Joe helped me see that this was unfair to them, to me, and to our relationship. It is amazing how often, when we are not controlled by the Tyranny of Expectation, we see other people doing the right thing.
The Tyranny of Judgment - Talk about the ultimate tyranny: it has to be the Tyranny of Judgment. Unless we are truly comfortable in our own skins, we human beings spend huge tracts of time judging others. This judgment extends to other people, places, and things. We think it somehow makes us better. If we judge another person to be inferior to us, we think it elevates us. If we judge a book or movie, we think it makes us more discerning. If we live in a better place, judgment makes us feel not merely lucky but privileged. Judgment can rob us of personal power and sound decision-making. What meaningful experience might we miss by listening to a critic who has decided for us that a book is not worth reading or a particular movie is not worth watching? My wife, Susan, and I love going to the movies. We always check what the critics have to say; after all, like most people, we are conditioned to hear, if not pass, judgment. However, we are often surprised by what we take away from a movie that a critic did not. How much better might life be if we did not bias our experiences in advance with the judgments of others or with our own prejudgments? How much more joyful would our lives be if we did not waste time retrospectively judging the quality of every experience? How often does ex post facto judgment really matter? I once shared with a colleague my impression of how badly another colleague had behaved in a meeting we had all attended. I was passing judgment on a peer’s behavior. As I listened to my colleague affirm my judgment, it suddenly occurred to me that I was simply gossiping. What had happened in that meeting, what I thought of the colleague, and the fact that I shared my opinion with another colleague who had witnessed the same behavior served no purpose and offered no value. I was just wasting time.
The Tyranny of Caring About Another’s Opinion of You - Most of us waste a great deal of time and energy worrying about what others think of us or what they will think if certain details of our lives become known. This tyranny can eat us alive and rob us of our unique authenticity. Several years ago, I was part of a group discussing the quality of American television. Most people in the conversation argued that Americans watch far too much television. The consensus was that most programs are sedatives for the soul and mind. Someone in the group mentioned that being brain-dead was a prerequisite for enjoying them. For the most part, I agreed. However, I must admit that I watched television occasionally. When the program “American Idol” was mentioned, someone suggested that no one with a life would give up the time to watch it. Heads nodded all around the group in seeming agreement, including mine. The only problem was that I absolutely loved the show. I watched it with passion. The night it aired was the only night of the week on which I watched television according to a schedule. I arranged business meetings so that I could be free to watch the show live. It was too good to record for later. I was afraid of and embarrassed by what people might think of me. This fear saddened me. As I sat listening to the group bash my secret favorite show, I finally summoned the courage to admit my addiction. When I did, guess what happened? About two-thirds of the group quickly acknowledged that they, too, watched the show and were avid fans.
This experience taught me an important lesson. If you really like yourself, why would you not want to share who you truly are with others? If you like who you are and are not embarrassed by your actions, why should you care so much about the opinions of others? Other people’s opinions can be “dream stealers.” Talk about real tyranny. How sad it would be if another person’s opinion—and your concern about it—caused you to abandon a dream. The great success stories I know have one thing in common: every successful person, at some point, set aside the opinions of others to pursue a dream and achieve a vision.
The Tyranny I Hate the Most: “The Tyranny of One Time” - I call this tyranny “The Stopper.” In situation after situation, both personal and professional, I hear people say, “I tried that once. It didn’t work.” This saddens me because it is the easiest excuse for doing nothing and accepting the status quo. It can be applied to almost anything. Once someone tries this sentence on for size, it becomes easier and easier to wear. The more you wear it, the uglier it becomes. Years ago, I was in a local bar with a friend who was telling me how attracted he was to the bartender. He could not stop talking about her. Growing a little tired of hearing him go on about her, I suggested that he start a conversation instead of sitting at the end of the bar like a toadstool. He moaned, “Nah, I tried to talk to her once. She just wasn’t interested.” Wow—he took one shot and was finished. A potential bride, or at least a girlfriend, was lost.
Business opportunities are also lost to the Tyranny of One Time. One of my friends, who is close enough to be family, turned down an opportunity to join me in my new business. He was excited at first but cooled when he learned that it involved work he had done in the past. He said, “Man, I really want to do something with you, but I tried that once. It didn’t work out for me.” I asked him why, and he explained that the people with whom he had worked were, in his opinion, disreputable. I reminded him that he would be working directly with me. He sighed, “Yeah, but…” We are still talking. Whether it involves pursuing a relationship, considering a business opportunity, or doing anything else, nothing kills the deal like the notion that the next opportunity—or the future in general—is destined to look like the past. The tyranny of that thought kills opportunity.For many years, I rode a bicycle while participating in triathlons. I cannot tell you how many challenging road miles I covered under a variety of circumstances. Those experiences would never have occurred if, at seven years of age, I had fallen off my bicycle for the first time—and there were a hundred more falls to come—then simply quit and never tried again.
Tackle Your Tyrannies - When I went online to do a little research on tyrannies, I learned that there is a tyranny for just about everything. Much has been written about the Tyranny of Time and how it owns nearly all of us. The Tyranny of the Urgent has become more acute over the past two decades. Everything is urgent, and smartphones, texting, and other technologies have placed that urgency directly in our pockets or purses, where we cannot escape it. There is no longer a buffer to protect us.What do we do? First, know your enemy. Find your tyrannies. It will not be hard; they thrust themselves into your awareness every day. When you see them, stand up to them, look them in the eye, and bring them down. History is full of stories about people who suffered under tyrants until enough was enough. Then those people rose against their tyrants, brought them down, and put better conditions in place. We need to do the same.
Call to Action – Personal Tyrannies: A One-Page Practical Guide
Personal tyrannies rarely announce themselves. They appear as reasonable assumptions, old disappointments, self-doubt, expectations, judgments, or concern about what others may think—and then quietly stop us from asking, acting, enjoying, or trying again. The guide below turns those lessons into a simple practice for recognizing these patterns, challenging the illegitimate power we give them, and using AI thoughtfully to help us choose a more deliberate response.
Spot It: The Three-Question Check –
What is the thought? State the belief exactly as it appears in your mind.
What is it commanding? Notice whether it tells you to avoid, delay, stay quiet, seek approval, judge, or quit.
What is the cost? Identify the opportunity, relationship, learning, or joy you may lose by obeying it.
Overthrow It: The Five-Step Practice –
Name it. Give the pattern a clear label, such as the Tyranny of Presumption, Perfection, Approval, Urgency, Judgment, or One Time.
Separate fact from prediction. Write what you know, what you assume, and what evidence could change your mind.
Choose a small test. Ask the question, share the idea with one trusted person, or take one reversible step.
Review the result. Treat the outcome as information—not as a verdict on your worth or ability.
Repeat. Each deliberate action weakens the old rule and builds confidence from experience.
Turn It to Your Advantage – A tyranny often protects something you value: competence, belonging, security, respect, independence, or success. Keep the useful signal, but reject the command to stop. Ask: “What is this tyranny trying to protect, and how can I protect that value without surrendering my freedom to choose?” Convert fear of criticism into preparation, perfectionism into a clear quality standard, and a past setback into lessons for a better next attempt.
Use AI as a Thinking Partner –
Find the pattern: “Review these situations. What recurring belief may be influencing my decisions? Separate facts from interpretations.”
Challenge the assumption: “Give me five plausible alternatives to my prediction and the evidence that would support each one.”
Rehearse: “Role-play a skeptical but respectful listener. Ask one question at a time and critique the clarity of my response.”
Design an experiment: “Create a low-risk, reversible test of this belief. Include the action, success measure, time limit, and review questions.”
Learn from a setback: “What worked, what did not, what remains unknown, and what should I change before trying again?”
Guardrails. Ask AI for competing interpretations, not just confirmation. Protect confidential information, verify consequential advice with qualified experts, and keep final responsibility for decisions with yourself. If a pattern is persistent, overwhelming, or connected to significant anxiety, depression, or trauma, consider support from a qualified mental-health professional.
As always, I'd like to hear your thoughts and ideas in response to this blog. Use the Comments Section or, if you wan to initiate a broader exchange, contact me at ehansn@aihg.us.
Developing 21st Century Leader-Manager Character and Qualities is available on Amazon.
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